with the skill
# What's wrong with this email
## 1. It's addressed to no one
"Dear Sir/Madam" tells the reader they're on a blast list. There's no name, no role, and no reason they were picked. Remove the greeting and the email works just as well for any company on earth, which is the problem.
## 2. It opens with filler and then with you
- "I hope this email finds you well" is a known template tell, and readers skim past it.
- "I wanted to reach out to introduce our..." leads with the sender. The reader's situation never appears.
## 3. The pitch is jargon with no problem in it
"Innovative cloud-based platform that leverages AI to streamline your business operations" could describe thousands of products. "Innovative," "leverages," and "streamline" are exactly the words that get an email deleted, and "cloud-based" stopped being a selling point years ago. It never names a specific pain the reader has.
## 4. The proof is vague
"Helped over 500 companies transform their workflows" is an unsubstantiated claim. Nothing says who they were, what changed, or whether they resemble the reader. One specific result from a similar company beats a big number.
## 5. The ask is too big
A 30-minute call from a stranger is a lot to ask in a first touch. A low-friction, interest-based CTA ("Worth a look?") is easier to say yes to.
## 6. It's about you, not them
Count the pronouns: "I," "our," "we," "I." The reader's "you/your" appears only in generic phrases like "your business operations" and "your organization."
Show the rest (36 more lines)
## 7. Compliance and credibility gaps
- The signature is just "John": no last name, title, or company.
- There's no postal address and no opt-out line, both of which CAN-SPAM requires.
## 8. Things I can't see
There's no subject line. If it's something like "Innovative AI Solution for Your Business," that would hurt too. Good ones are 2 to 4 words, lowercase, and look internal, like "ticket routing."
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# A rewrite (illustrative)
I don't know your product, the recipient, or your real proof, so the brackets are placeholders:
> **Subject:** ticket routing
>
> Hi Maya,
>
> Saw you're hiring three more support reps. Teams that grow that fast usually still route tickets by hand, and new hires spend their first month learning who handles what.
>
> We automate that routing. [Similar company] cut first-response time from 9 hours to 3.
>
> Worth a look?
>
> John [Last name]
> [Title, Company, postal address]
> If this isn't relevant, reply "no" and I won't follow up.
It's about 50 words, opens with something specific to her, names one problem, gives one concrete proof point, and makes one easy ask.
# To make it stronger, I'd need
1. Who you're writing to (role and company) and why them
2. The one specific problem your product solves for people like them
3. A real result from a customer similar to them
4. Any signal, such as hiring, funding, a tech change, or a post
Before sending at scale, you'd also want a secondary sending domain with SPF, DKIM, and DMARC set up, a verified list, and open tracking turned off.